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About Deviant Artist SamanthaFemale/Canada Recent Activity
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2011 - Back from the dead. by Spamela 2011 - Back from the dead. :iconspamela:Spamela 0 0 SKMcEwan by Spamela SKMcEwan :iconspamela:Spamela 1 3 Dev ID June 2009 by Spamela Dev ID June 2009 :iconspamela:Spamela 0 2 SamMcEwan by Spamela SamMcEwan :iconspamela:Spamela 0 0
My Lecture
"I'll never be good enough."   Im going to tell you where the rubber meets the road here. Saying that, is simply a cop out. Who are you trying to be good enough for? Us? Your friends? Who? The only one you should be trying to be good enough for is yourself. Nobody here tells you that youre not good enough. NO ONE.
"Silence is much easier."   I gotta say it. Thats a cop out, too. You're taking the easy way out. You know what that means? That you dont really care about dealing with it. You may think you do, and you may think that you just "dont know how", but thats just the victim in you making excuses for you not to try. Really working at it is taking the hard way- and thats the ONLY way it can be. Theres no other way out. I hit rock bottom, and the only way to go from there is up. Its damn hard work.
"I like being busy and helping others. I feel good, I feel needed and somewhat appreciated." Okay, THATS AN ESCAPE. A positive one, i
:iconspamela:Spamela 0 2
Beneath my smile the ice is thin,
I've tried to hold my sorrow in,
But the fear that overpowers me
Takes a toll no one can see.
I call upon your rancid name,
Tied down to this bed of shame,
But my heart is anchored in it's place,
I've lost too much I can't replace.
The voices carve my sadness free,
And by myself I wait and bleed,
Make me feel good enough to breathe,
Black and white- the blood stained sleeve.
When only angels could save my soul,
They left me stranded in the cold,
And the night closed on me, time stood still,
I'm left with gaping holes to fill.
And distance matters not to me,
If you're only comfort is to see,
I've no strenght left to squander,
There's no one left to see beyond her.
:iconspamela:Spamela 0 1
Secret Burdens
You’d never guess I was awake in the dead,
cause I hide my pain so well.
I’ve kept a smile upon my face,
played every card I’m dealt.
When something was thrown in my face,
or someone insulted me,
I gritted my teeth and moved on-
that’s the way it has to be.
As I walk through the halls
of a school that never knew,
I think of all the memories,
the things we were put through.
I guess for me it was too hard,
being the adult one here.
With no one here to hold my hand,
to tell me “it’s okay, dear.”
Though at times I’d thought of leaving,
I couldn’t leave my family.
The siblings who share the burden,
simply wouldn’t be able to see.
I was all alone, I swear,
there were many people there.
People who knew of our situation,
people who actually cared.
I think it was always our fate
to go through what we have.
Help was always beyond our reach,
but we pulled through with all we had.
:iconspamela:Spamela 0 2
Self Destruction II
Night after night it’s the same damn thing,
I hurt myself, the panic alarm rings.
May God be the only witness to my silent instruction,
but stay near to protect me from my own self destruction.
There’s subtle ways that I give in,
To the overwhelming pain within.
The angels speak with muted words,
mourning my only answer to the hurt.
I create a picture perfect illusion,
painting a scarlet storm of confusion.
Catch the ice that hits the ground;
Shattered pieces of my heart, left unfound.
I hate the sound of tragic cries
being torn apart from all the lies,
Keep myself surrounded by fear,
So I won’t shed another tear.
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 1
Hello, My Name is Addiction
Hello, My Name is Addiction
If the jealous angels in the sky
would let me join their dance,
I’d laugh and play and sing with them,
and drown my thoughts, perchance.
You kill my flame without a word,
I live a lie in secrets sold.
I dream of a song and hazel eyes,
And watch the roses unfold.
I can not throw up anymore,
I don’t have the will to try.
I wish my eyes would stop their bleeding,
I’m no good with suicide.
I think I’ve found my quick decision,
I think I’ll stay awhile more.
You think I’m wrapped around your finger?
I’m not the one on the floor.
Just see how things could have gone,
there were no arms to keep me here.
No one to stop me from harming me,
nothing has ever been so clear.
You might change, become something I like,
my ever constant affliction.
For I’ve never needed you more than now-
“Hello, My Name is Addiction”
:iconspamela:Spamela 0 1
Portraits and Mirrors
Portraits and Mirrors
Paint a picture with my lips,
cast a memory in song
Broken hearts will not be mended,
find a place where you belong.
If you wanted honesty,
you should have known I’d lie
You say you read me like a book,
you’d better breathe or die.
Fade to black and learn to know,
the answers won’t be there
Nothing is what it seems these days,
and no one seems to care.
Fall back and breathe out,
your surrender has finally come
Find your end and new beginning,
see the nothing you’ve become.
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 1
The First Day of Rest
The First Day of Rest
I keep these scars as a reminder
of all the things that I did right.
A long lost tribute to my suffering,
My pain, my daily fight.
In the days that we were happy
There was hope etched in our minds.
In the constant search for relief,
we made a love that forever binds.
Staring off into the distance
I catch a hint of laughter.
I see my little princess girl,
my happy ever after.
And though their smiles tell
of all the pain I've caused,
I also make my love immortal
to all the hidden flaws.
For it is in grieving that we find comfort,
And in suffering that we will find love.
In hating that we are questioned;
In believing that we rise rise above.
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 1
The Mind's Sickness
Canvas of the Night
It beats down its fists
On my back
Increasing punishment, of which
I do lack.
Oddly reminiscing
Of the forest, bittersweet.
Where the pain is my hands,
The pain is my feet.
Numbly repaired with bottles of pills
By those who dared,
But who of you shared
This mortality, in love
With brutality that aches my heart.
How can you stop
What you did not start?
How can you say what you want to say
When it's your medicine
That gets in the way.
The things you couldn't say
Hurt the most;
A symphony of lies now haunt even your ghost
There's a thirsting for bleeding
Constantly quenched
A vein from your heart
A lung from you- wrenched.
However so full, so empty the same
So begins the sickness
In the minds twisted game.
:iconspamela:Spamela 2 4
Change of Scenery. by Spamela Change of Scenery. :iconspamela:Spamela 0 0
I am perfect
in weakness.
I am as perfect as guilt will allow.
I am saving perfection, but I really don't know how.
So perfect, the congestion
of the human mind:
Say yes, and suffer,
say no and die.
I will answer, knowing
this could make it.
or break it.
What words, that are so painfully kind,
Could twist the thoughts,
of one daughter's mind?
I can't say no.
You tell me "You are rightfully mine."
I don't think so.
I am perfect
in letting go.
I am as perfect as love will allow.
This is too quiet.
I should go now.
This silence is breaking my strength,
Sorrow lives in the absence
of what I'm against.
What am I against?
Through the minutes,
and the hours
That I don't see your face
I am free.
I am me.
For these moments,
I feel whole.
Yet in these moments,
I question my soul.
So controlling is this shame,
I do despise this folly game.
The worst one herein.
I  a l w a y s  win.
No matter how painfully obvious
I appear, you are never near.
You never fin
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 2
The Silence
The Silence
I have unsilenced The Silence
I have darkened the light.
I have scarred The Silence.
Yet brightened the night.
I have created The Silence.
I destroyed the speaker.
Yet I have spoken with The Silence.
And I killed the weaker.
I have made new silence.
The future withheld the past.
I have written in silence.
Forever. And ever. At last.
[Short & sweet.]
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 8
'The Zone'
"The Zone"
Blankly staring at the wall
Into a deeply silent void.
Recounting all the tiles,
Noting which doors to avoid.
These halls are flled with people
Still there's only one she sees,
This destroyed her innocence,
This causes her to bleed.
Holding her like a puppet,
The music emanates through her eyes,
Becoming one single escape,
One surefire, true disguise.
Seperating life from death
To seeing real from fake,
Walking around waist deep in fear,
Not knowing who's trust to take.
Paranoia grips her breath
Panic settles in her heart,
Matching numbers, colours, words,
Forgetting not to fall apart.
Cold air slaps her icy blue eyes,
Becoming numb she stands,
Another minute in "The Zone"
Embracing all it's clammy hands.
One silent tear falls down her face
Another one to push away,
Nobody sees her running past,
Just another girl, another day.
:iconspamela:Spamela 1 3


Snow Queen - Kiss Me Deadly by ladymorgana Snow Queen - Kiss Me Deadly :iconladymorgana:ladymorgana 340 22 Death Note: L Gets an Idea. by SilentReaper Death Note: L Gets an Idea. :iconsilentreaper:SilentReaper 66,554 10,608
How I Need You
Fingers poised above the keys,
I sit here stumped,
unsure of what to write next.
Fragments ricochet in my head.
Memories, sounds, feelings.
Yet the words I can't find.
How do I explain,
to those who don't know?
How do I explain,
to you?
How I need you?
No cliches
just straight, honest truth.
To this question,
I hope to give you an answer.
I need your hands on my skin
because it's about more,
then just sex.
I need your touch, your caress
so I know I'm not, dreaming.
Those eyes,
Your beautiufl brown eyes.
I could stare forever,
hoping that you see
I no longer want you, I need you.
The rare smiles,
I cherish.
Your cheeky smile,
leaves everyone guessing.
Yet I understand.
I need you in my arms.
To hold you when life
throws us lemons or lemonade.
For as little or as long,
This I'll do for you, always.
every little thing about you,
I need
But most,
I need you,
to need me.
:iconaussie-sweetheart:Aussie-Sweetheart 1 7
It's Too Late
She's buried in the mysteries
Of who she is and who she hates
The self-confessed rivalry
Leaves her spellbound behind prison gates
A lonely soul, princess of sorrow
Awaken today or maybe tomorrow
An innocent girl suffocated by torment
Never feels genuine love or fulfilment
'Cause its too late
To rewrite this memoir
Broken pieces never fit back together
She's seven minutes over time
As the recollections flee her mind
The happy memories that never were
Disappear with her last words, 'yes sir'
The girls speak of her heroically
As her parents' faces reveal intense grief
Adorned with a tiara she peacefully lies
Above the ceremony, our princess flies
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 3 7
Playing For Keeps
Pulses stop and start
These little girls they play this game
Rolling die to seal their fate
To live or die it's all the same
Crafting words from lips once sown  
A dangerous gamble of lost hopes
Conviction of a love that's dead
Repetition on words you said
" Borrowed love is borrowed hate, once withdrawn you can't replace, you've fallen over, been misplaced… this remains our last escape. "
Envision skipping through fields of green
This innocence entails faith
Concocting potions of self worth
Tracing back to their sweet birth
Remain silent in your final hour
Perfect the art of truth, not lies
Wash these putrid scars with soap
In this ultimate string of hope
To live appears a pointless crime
To die appears a selfish price
A potion of mixed emotion continues to brew
A lifetime flickers before the glazed eyes of two.
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 2 16
consumed by an unknown feeling
caught amongst a world of false enchantment
each breath taken under false pretences
this is my unsentenced crime
i'm trapped within a web of lies
sentence me to death, i plead
life imprisonment is what i possess
i'm nothing that you need
i've done nothing yet i've done too much
this mistake will never leave my mind
i've fallen too behind on time
this is my unsentenced crime
take my wrists and cuff them
seeking justice on this crime
wake me from this nightmare
free me of this torturous ride
i'll forever feel in debt, to you
and i'll push away the regret,
yet, never truly free myself of it
the tears won't stand for much
this is my unsentenced crime
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 2 11
Amy Lee by MonikaKohler Amy Lee :iconmonikakohler:MonikaKohler 300 218
She Stumbles
Her Smile appeared to
onto the icy dance floor
i witnessed as she
attempting a connection
with a smile that was to die for
Her sweet laugh grew
as she slowly slipped away
i held her costume
searching above the clouds
but she was nowhere to be found
Her love was a breathtaking
strumming the lyrics of my heart
i'm standing alone over this
retelling this ghastly story,
as slowly i'm ripping myself apart..
A piece of myself was lost in the
where my lover drowned..
i've lost the essence of my happiness
my heart will no longer beat out loud..
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 2 31
Blancanieves , carolinabarajas by Evanescence-lovers Blancanieves , carolinabarajas :iconevanescence-lovers:Evanescence-lovers 14 8 Lovepotion by lexidh Lovepotion :iconlexidh:lexidh 115 40
So frail
Such unknown
A photo stained in scarlet
A delicate rose upon thy bed
What has thou done?

As he drove his drunken angel home
She whispered to him gently
"Baby, I'll love you forevermore
You are the sweet taste on my lips
You are the soothing harmony filling my ears
You are the only pieces of me I love."
She always spoke the truth whilst intoxicated
He lay her down ever so gently upon their bed
His tears falling onto her face
Washing away the gorgeous smile
She'd fooled everybody with all night
She is so picture perfect with her deceptions    
Each string lay scattered across the carpet
His guitar was useless now
He could not sing her into happiness any longer
Another failure encrypted unto his heart
She loathed warm sunshine upon her face
And he watched her sip her chamomile
Absorbing the warmth of broken love
A heated passion that found its end
It wasn't that she didn't love him
She simply didn't love what lay within
She battled to never do anyt
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 2 22
Yesterday's Star
Pin my tattered skin together
Caress the hidden scars
Thread the pieces of scattered pain        onto
                  a necklace made  just for you
Pull the stars out of the sky
    and place them in a platter  just for two.
And I can't withdraw the cards I've played
Someday, just maybe, we could dream it away..
Memories falter as time fades away
    I cannot recall the life I led yesterday
Before the storms ravished    all I had known
    and took with it my cherished   lovers stone
And I'll drink to my last endeavour   
    sip to the blood shed suffered
Mirrors will shatter as you fall
    as serenity fills your body once more
Your mask, tattered and broke
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 8 25
Silent Cries
[Silent Cries]
Look at me,  
into my     Empty eyes,
Fading smile
mouthing     these Silent cries.
And won't you take the time
no, you never had the time
Talk to me,
between                Awkward silences,
Unspoken whispers,
and these                         Lingering sighs.
And won't you take the time
no, you never had the time
Walk with me,       
to     Pointless places,
Untaken precautions,
leading us   to this final destination
and I've painted you a picture perfect illusion
as you've fallen into the web I've spun
and it doesn't make it any better
but won't you play along?

Tell me I was special
Was I ever special in your eyes?
You lay roses upon my deathbed
And you lied
:iconpleasantlyinsane:pleasantlyinsane 2 25
Amy Lee 4 by BLena Amy Lee 4 :iconblena:BLena 99 113



Current Residence: Sudbury, Ontario
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Small
Favourite genre of music: Western Art Music
Favourite photographer: Joey L
Favourite style of art: Horror and Macabre
Operating System: Windows 7 Ultimate
Favourite cartoon character: Stewie


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onin07 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2008  Student General Artist
i've finally seen your works...
you don't draw???
but i like the way you write...
they're all touchy....
sorry won't be able to comment on them..
[they're too many-_-]

is the girl in the pictures you?
you're cute...
Spamela Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2008
No I don't draw, I am terrible at it. Yes, I am the girl in the pictures. My poems aren't really meant to be "touchy" as you put it, but it's better then you saying they're bad :P
There are a lot, yes. I've been writing for five years now so there's quite a lot. That's only 3/4 of them though. The other ones are just crappy >_<
Thanks for the comment. :)
onin07 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2008  Student General Artist
you do speak quick.....
i think i'll be tryin' to read some o' your works...
and so i can comment on them too...
i've also got crappy works...
just so you know....
but then i really want everyone know to recognize my original style....
keep up your good works then!!!
Kalathra Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey Sexy Lady.

You're writing is so beautiful, I nearly forgot how great it was. I'm jealous.

You've progessed so much with it too. You do a wonderful job. I love it. Maybe next time I'm off I'll give you a call and we can do something together. <3
Spamela Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008
For sure :) Silent Hill! Freaky shit. Im renting to movie very soon. Thanks for the nice comments :) I dont write as much as I would like to...I just dont know what else to write about! :P Ill coem up with something, probably around the christmas break when I actually have time. Lub joooo :heart::kiss::rose:
night-fate Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2007   Photographer
Vampirella87 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
Hey there :wave:

How are you? :)
night-fate Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007   Photographer
:hug: oh my! it has been forever since i've talked to you! I was just reading through my old poems from 2005, and I realized that in my comments I always said
"my poems have nothing to do with me, but I just made them up from what I see in others" and sadly, I am now relating to my poems,,, =|
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